We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
