she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
