My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
