now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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