He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
