so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
