She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
