You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
