my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
