just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
