y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
