Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Panties = found
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
