Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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