i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
