did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
