I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
