Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
