when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Less talking, more tequila
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
