he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
