Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
