White coat. Heels.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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