so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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