okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
