my room smells like sperm. sweet.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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