You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
