my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
