I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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