I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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