Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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