I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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