I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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