He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
