I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
