the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
