i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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