i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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