the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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