Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
