umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
