Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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