Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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