I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
