What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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