Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
