Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dignity is for republicans.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
