Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
me + whiskey = a bad person
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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