ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
