Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
