K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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