just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
