I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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