Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
