There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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