i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
