Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's shark week go big or go home
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
