decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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