If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
