I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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