I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
