Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
