Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
