I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Let's paint friendship bongs
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I licked your asshole in confidence.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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