i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
