did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
