I think my fart just growled at me.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Randomize
