you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
