Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
